मेरी जीवन यात्रा के दृश्य मेरी आँखो से मेरी शब्दों में... My life experiences in my words...

One feels a variety of emotions, some we call as pain and a few as pleasures. At times pain is such that it numbs the mind. Mind ceases to react, closes all doors and windows to feel anything at all. When time passes, one can never be same but, emerges strong. Gradually it opens its doorways to feel the emotions again. Mind evolves to a state when pleasure feels as a pain and pain is so much pleasureable. One can no longer diferentiate between pain and pleasure. We start looking at things without attaching to oneself and there is neither pleasure nor pain it just becomes an event an experience. One just becomes an onlooker of happenings around, acts to the best of knowledge without getting affected or least affected by it in terms of feeling pain or pleasure.  -Shadow

Ocean with two sea got dried up and all the salty water was sunk up in the core. A gate was closed and will never open. Felt like some part of emotional side was dead. But don't know the gate looks like is open. The ocean is filled again same as seven years ago. Same pain again. Good thing is that loss of the pain was pushing to darkness of darkest den. Excruciating pain but a light of hope that, some purity is still left inside. This seed of purity is the hope. Thank you God then and thank you now for pulling me out. Don't know but it feels sometimes that there have been craving for this pain and here it is back. Some part doesn't want to part away with this pain. Pain is the new pleasure deep down. I guess many won't understand but if you can then you are one of those blessed ones. Thank you for being there.  -Shadow

Tears rolls down from eyes like you prick a big balloon with the smallest needle but something inside don’t want to let it out, abdomen muscles squeeze, feels like a hole being put in the chest, a sensation runs through the veins as if it's turning dry, can’t even feel the strength to stand on my two feet; all of this while trying to compose myself not to break the promise once made that I won’t cry.. I want to burst at top of my voice but I don’t..  Don’t know what is keeping me alive wishing each single day to get struck by a lightning to end this merciless pain once and for all.. I can’t kill myself, that is coward and selfish. I am not that brave either way I can’t kill myself. Yes, I have changed a lot in past few years. I have learnt to block my emotions and be reasonable. I didn’t wanted to but it happened naturally. I guess when you can’t let your emotions out that is natural. I tried to express my feelings to the most closest person by blood or otherwise I have ever fel...